Tu B'av – the Jewish Day of Love and Romance?

Girls in Israel dancing during Tu B'Av at school in Hadera. Wikicommons Creative Commons license

There is a Jewish holiday that I knew nothing about a few days ago. I knew the summer holiday of Tisha B'av (the ninth of the Hebrew month Av), but I had never heard of its cousin that follows six days later: Tu B'Av = the fifteenth of Av.

While Tisha b'Av commemorates the destruction of the Temple and resultant tragedies that have befallen the Jewish people, Tu b'Av celebrates marriage? A sort of Jewish Valentine's day?

According to the sages, there is a deep mystical meaning that arises with this often overlooked holiday.

In modern Israel, based on an ancient biblical practice, Tu b'Av is a time for the young girls to don white dresses and go out into the fields and dance to attract potential suitors. In modern Israel, it is time to celebrate, and encourage romantic love, with young people going on dates, flirting, and enjoying candelit dinners.

As we know, romantic love is a picture of divine love, and specifically of the love between G-d and Israel. G-d is depicted as the lover, and Israel is depicted as the beloved maiden, which is the rabbinic interpretation of the Song of Solomon. Christians similarly believe that it is the love between Christ and His bride, the Community of Called-out Believers.

According to the rabbis, however, Tu b'Av marks the time when the sins of Tisha b'Av are overturned. It is sort of a mini Day of Atonement, coming six days after the horrible destruction of Tisha b'Av.

The Tisha b'Av – Tu b'Av connection

According to the sages, the calamity of Tisha b'Av came about because the Israelite spies that entered Canaan gave the people a bad report of the land. This was seen as a denial of Go-d's deliverance of the Israelites. G-d had brought them into a beautiful land flowing with milk and honey, and all they could do was complain about it and say how bad it was! Thus, G-d instituted a ḥerem, a ban, of destruction on that day, which has continued to this very day.

But Tu b'Av was a reversal of the Tisha b'Av ban!

Because of the sin of the spies, the people cried that night (the night of Tisha b'Av). G-d accordingly instituted a punishment for them due to their lack of faith. He decreed that all males between the ages of 20 and 60 would die in the forty years wandering in the wilderness. The men accepted their punishment, and according to the sage Rashi, would dig their own graves on the night of Tisha b'Av each year. They would then lie down in their graves, and await until the morning. In the morning, Moses would go through the camp and cry out, Let the living separate from the dead! If the man was still living, he would arise and be thankful for his life. The dead would be buried in their spot.

This practice went on for 40 years every summer. Finally, on the 40th year of the wandering, on that particular 9th day of Av, something different happened. The men made their graves. In the morning, they awoke and not a single man had died! They assumed they had made a mistake in their reckoning, so they went back to their graves the next night, the 10th of Av. They woke up the next day alive! They were so pious, believing that they had still made a mistake, that they returned to their graves. They did this 6 nights in a row. Finally, on the 15th night of Av, they saw the full moon in the night sky, and realized that the entire male population had indeed survive unscathed. They realized that G-d had reversed the decree of judgement against them. The day, the 15th of Av, became a celebration of God's mercy and love!

Other occurrences on Tu b'Av

1. During Temple times, wood had to be cut down from the trees. After the 15th of Av, the sun starts losing its intensity (in Israel), going into fall and winter. Accordingly, wood cut after this date could not be used for the Temple — because the lessened intensity of the sun might not dry it out enough and it could decay. The work of cutting all the wood for the Temple was thus completed on Tu b'Av. This great accomplishment made it a day of celebration!
2. Jeroboam ben Nevat, the bad king of Israel, installed roadblocks forbidden Jews from making pilgrimage to G-d's Temple during Passover, Sukkoth, and Shavuot, the three pilgrim feasts. Hoshea, the last king of Israel, removed these blockades. This happened on the 15th of Av.
3. When the Romans massacred the Jews of Beytar during the Bar-Kochba Revolt (132-136 AD/CE), they refused to let the dead bodies be buried for three years. When the Jews returned to the bury their dead, they found the bodies undecayed, and they buried them intact on the 15th of Av.

Tu b'Av in the Mishnah

In the Mishnah, the compilation of oral commentary on the Bible completed in the 2nd century CE by R. Simeon ben Jose, the sages discuss the tradition of Tu b'Av. On this day, it is recorded, the the young maiden of Jerusalem would go out and dance in the vineyards. This is recorded in Mishnah, tractate Taanit, chapter 4, section 8:

וּבְנוֹת יְרוּשָׁלַיִם יוֹצְאוֹת וְחוֹלוֹת בַּכְּרָמִים

They would go out dressed in white clothes, so that no one could distinguish between rich and poor and judge between them, causing embarassment to any.

שֶׁבָּהֶן בְּנוֹת יְרוּשָׁלַיִם יוֹצְאוֹת בִּכְלֵי לָבָן שְׁאוּלִין, שֶׁלֹּא לְבַיֵּשׁ אֶת מִי שֶׁאֵין לוֹ.

Literally, When the daughters of Jerusalem would go out in white garments, borrowed (from each other), so that no one would put to shame whoever did not have it

They would dance in the vineyards, and the young men would come to watch.

וּמֶה הָיוּ אוֹמְרוֹת, בָּחוּר, שָׂא נָא עֵינֶיךָ וּרְאֵה, מָה אַתָּה בוֹרֵר לָךְ. אַל תִּתֵּן עֵינֶיךָ בַנּוֹי, תֵּן עֵינֶיךָ בַמִּשְׁפָּחָה. שֶׁקֶר הַחֵן וְהֶבֶל הַיֹּפִי, אִשָּׁה יִרְאַת ה' הִיא תִתְהַלָּל

And what would they say (to the boys)? Young man, lift up now your eyes and regard what you will choose for yourself! Do not give your eyes to Beauty, give your eyes to Family! [That is, a good family] Grace is deceptive, and beauty is vain. A woman who fears Hashem, she shall be praised! [Prov. 31:30] They also quoted [the next verse]: Give to her from the fruit of her hands! Let her deeds be praised in the gates!

According to one interpretation, the girls from good families but without beauty would say Pay no attention to Beauty, but pay attention to Family!, while the girls with no family or looks would say, Grace is deceptive, and beauty is vain. But a woman who fears Hashem, she shall be praised! The point is, though, that each was equal, and the boys could only choose the ones that was best for them, all things considered.

Tu b'Av in the Bible

In the Bible, in Judges 21, this custom of Tu b'Av is briefly mentioned, indicating that it had ancient precedent. The Tribe of Benjamin had been, effectively, cut off from Israel. They had no wives. So the elders of Israel gave them a plan: they were to go to the Tu b'Av vineyard dance and take wives for themselves. This effectively reinstated Benjamin into the fold of Israel, and permitted inter-tribal marriages.

19 וַיֹּאמְר֡וּ הִנֵּה֩ חַג־יְהֹוָ֨ה בְּשִׁל֜וֹ מִיָּמִ֣ים ׀ יָמִ֗ימָה אֲשֶׁ֞ר מִצְּפ֤וֹנָה לְבֵֽית־אֵל֙ מִזְרְחָ֣ה הַשֶּׁ֔מֶשׁ לִ֨מְסִלָּ֔ה הָעֹלָ֥ה מִבֵּֽית־אֵ֖ל שְׁכֶ֑מָה וּמִנֶּ֖גֶב לִלְבוֹנָֽה׃

And they said, Look, the annual feast of YHWH is being held at Shiloh. (It is north of Beth-El, east of the highway going up from Beth-El to Shechem; and south of Levonah.)

20 וַיְצַו אֶת־בְּנֵ֥י בִנְיָמִ֖ן לֵאמֹ֑ר לְכ֖וּ וַאֲרַבְתֶּ֥ם בַּכְּרָמִֽים

And they instructed the sons of Benjamin, saying, Go and lie in wait in the vineyards!

21 וּרְאִיתֶ֗ם וְ֠הִנֵּ֠ה אִם־יֵ֨צְא֥וּ בְנוֹת־שִׁילוֹ֮ לָח֣וּל בַּמְּחֹלוֹת֒ וִֽיצָאתֶם֙ מִן־הַכְּרָמִ֔ים וַחֲטַפְתֶּ֥ם לָכֶ֛ם אִ֥ישׁ אִשְׁתּ֖וֹ מִבְּנ֣וֹת שִׁיל֑וֹ וַהֲלַכְתֶּ֖ם אֶ֥רֶץ בִּנְיָמִֽן׃

As soon as you see the daughters of Shiloh going out to dance in dances, let each man jump out of the vineyards and catch for themselves his wife from the daughters of Shiloh. Then take off for the land of Benjamin!

23 וַיַּֽעֲשׂוּ־כֵן֙ בְּנֵ֣י בִנְיָמִ֔ן וַיִּשְׂא֤וּ נָשִׁים֙ לְמִסְפָּרָ֔ם מִן־הַמְּחֹלְל֖וֹת אֲשֶׁ֣ר גָּזָ֑לוּ וַיֵּלְכ֗וּ וַיָּשׁ֙וּבוּ֙ אֶל־נַ֣חֲלָתָ֔ם וַיִּבְנוּ֙ אֶת־הֶ֣עָרִ֔ים וַיֵּשְׁב֖וּ בָּהֶֽם׃

The sons of Benjamin did so. They carried off women, according to their numbers, from the dancers whom they had seized. They took and they returned to their inheritance. They built their cities, and they lived in them.

This was a day of rejoicing for Benjamin, because Benjamin was added back into the fold of Israel, and was allowed to intermarry any other tribe. Israel was united, in some small sense.

In a mystical sense, Tu b'Av looks forward to the day when all Israel's sins will be remitted, and the Messiah will return and catch us up together with him in the air. The Messiah will take us to his abode, and it will be a day of rejoicing and feasting and celebration. There will no longer be any tear. All the calamity of Israel will have ceased. And the marriage supper of the lamb will commence.

Sources:

• The Mishnah Elucidated: A Phrase-by-Phrase Simplified Translation with Basic Commentary Schottenstein Edition, edited by Rabbi Nosson Scherman and Rabbi Meir Zlotowitz; ArtScroll Series Mishnah Vol. 6: Tractates Taanis / Megillah / Moed Kattan / Chagigah (Rahway, New Jersey: Mesorah Publications, 2015)
• Rabbi Chaim Richman, Parashat Eikev: The Circle Dance of Tu B'Av, Jerusalem Lights - Rabbi Chaim Richman YouTube.
• Sefaria.org (for the Hebrew texts)